COURAGE
Being engaged or married to a controlling person sometimes causes you to lose control in every aspect of your life. Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress, but also may even be physically harmful. An obvious harm is the physical abuse that is often a part of such relationships. Continuing in such bad relationships can lead to unhealthy escapes such as alcohol or drug abuse and can even lead to suicide attempts.
In such relationships, women are robbed of several essential freedoms: the freedom to be their best selves in the relationship, the freedom to love the other person through choice rather than through dependency, and the freedom to leave a destructive situation.
Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them. One part of them wants out, but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are “addictive.”
There are several factors that can influence a person’s decision to remain in a bad and controlling relationship. At the most superficial level are practical considerations such as financial entanglement, shared living arrangements, potential impact on children, feared disapproval from others, and possible disruption in academic performance or career plans.
At a deeper level are the beliefs people hold about relationships in general, about this specific relationship, and about themselves. These beliefs may be manifest in these kinds of thinking:
“You are a failure if you end a relationship.”
“Being alone is terrible.”
“I’ll never find anyone else.”
“I’m not attractive or interesting enough.”
“If I work hard enough I should be able to save this relationship.”
To end the cycle of a controlling relationship, make your recovery the first priority in your life. COURAGE is a care group of women who understand and will listen. The purposes of COURAGE are to help women in difficult circumstances due to abusive and controlling relationships; to help them see how valuable they are to God; to help them become more productive; to assure them that they are not alone; to point them to Jesus Christ as the stability and focal point of their lives; to respond swiftly to needs as they arise.
For information, or if you just need someone to talk to, call 470-2820 x226 and leave a message. Someone will get back to you as soon as possible. Confidentiality is a high priority.
